


Finding Home

by Stealthtable



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Crying, F/M, Falling In Love, I hurt the boy I’m so sorry, Referenced But Not Shown in Canon, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 11:05:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12886536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stealthtable/pseuds/Stealthtable
Summary: Barry thought he was alone this late at night, but someone heard.





	Finding Home

It’s late. It must be past one in the morning, Barry realizes, squinting at an illegible margin note he’s written himself. Nope. It’s completely unreadable. The letters—assuming they’re not numbers? Maybe they’re numbers?—swim in front of him like they’re mocking him. Great.

Barry glares over at a glass case on the countertop. Inside it is the Light of Creation, calling out to him to come handle it, to use it to accomplish great things. All well and good: he would love to. Specifically, he would love to stop The Hunger from destroying yet another plane, but it seems his work is at a standstill.

Barry turns his attention back to his notes, then pauses to take off his glasses and rub his eyes. They burn like they’re full of sand. He knows he needs to sleep, but he just can’t. The last plane had been...well, they had found the Light. And they’d tried to make it out but he’d been a couple of steps behind the others as they all ran for the ship, and one of The Hunger’s tendrils had picked him up, crushing him, squeezing him until he’d blacked out from the pain and lack of oxygen and then—the next thing he knew he was back on the Starblaster and the rest of the crew was there. A new cycle had started. And Barry realized he had died. He hasn’t slept particularly well this year, but it’s been worse lately. Sometimes he opens his eyes and it takes a few minutes to realize he can breathe, he’s safe, the tightness in his chest is just panic from a nightmare, not real life. He’s not dying this time, even though the dream felt like dying again. 

Only two weeks left, and still no solutions. This plane would be destroyed, too.

A wet spot appears on the paper in front of him, then another. “Shit,” he swears, dashing his sleeve across his eyes. “Come on, Barry, godsdamnit focus! How do we stop it?” The tears are coming faster now, and Barry realizes with certainty that it’s too late. Even with a kickass plan, with only two weeks left there’s no way to implement it. This plane will suffer. It will be ravaged by The Hunger and there’s nothing he or anyone can do to stop it. He pushes the papers aside, sets his glasses on top, and buries his face in his arms as the sobbing starts.

Barry thinks about his home. It’s gone now. Everyone he ever knew except for the others in the crew. This was supposed to be temporary. Godsdamnit he was supposed to go home with a cool story about how he explored the planes and he was never gonna buy his own ale again. Now he’s twelve realities deep into a sick game of tag with some sort of living darkness and no way out that he can see. Does it just end permanently one day? Does no one get the ship out and they all just die? And The Hunger goes on until there’s nothing left? Barry shoulders heave, sobbing so hard he can barely breathe. Tears soak through his sleeves, falling hot and fast as he lets go for just a moment.

Barry hears the sound of an airlock hissing shut and light footsteps in the corridor outside and shoves a fist over his mouth. Someone’s out there, oh gods, he can’t face anyone like this! He dashes his sleeve across his eyes again and jams his glasses on his face, nearly putting an eye out in the process. Be cool, Barry, be cool he tells himself, pulling his notes back towards himself and scrambling to look productive. The footsteps stop. They’re right outside the door, they must’ve come from the sleeping quarters out to the common area. Whoever it is must’ve heard something in the lab. Barry adjusts his glasses and tries to steady his breathing as he wipes away the residual tear rolling down his left cheek. The door swings open and in strides Lup.

Barry shrinks inside. This is, without a doubt, the worst possible outcome. Lup cannot know he’s been crying, he will pledge whatever he has to whatever god will keep this from happening. Lup is always so cool and funny, she’ll tease him until he dies without The Hunger intervening at all, just a Barry-shaped pile of goo where he melted under Lup’s laughter. Barry clears his throat and tries for professional, but Lup as usual speaks first.

“Barold, what the fuck, I thought you humans needed like a hundred hours of sleep a night or whatever, Lucretia’s always on about it—“ Lup stops short as she takes in Barry’s red eyes and clenched fists. “Barry? Are you ok, dude?”

“I’m fi-ine, yeah, just—sciencing to see if the Light reacts to...onions. For science. Experiments. And lab things. I’ll be done soon, just need to clean up the onions cause they’re all in the eyes and—“

“I don’t smell any onions, my dude, Barry, what’s wrong?” Lup’s face is concerned as she hikes herself up onto the counter facing him. Another tear runs down Barry’s face and he brushes it away and ducks his head.

“I’m never gonna live this down, stupid Barry, stupid!” he mutters to himself before taking a deep breath. “I can’t stop it, Lup.”

“Stop what? You mean The Hunger? Pretty sure none of us can alone. It’s—Barry, The Hunger is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Is that what this about?” Lup asks, shifting a little and pushing aside a stack of paper to put a hand down for balance.

“Please don’t tell anyone! I was working on the Light and all of a sudden I remembered home and the other planes and...last time, you know, and it was all...I’m good now, ok? I’ll go to bed and work on this in the morning, it’ll be fine, you never saw this, ok?” Barry’s words tumble out on top of each other nervously as he avoids Lup’s glance.

She sighs and slumps forward a little, eyes fixed on the floor somewhere past Barry’s left shoe. Her voice is rough and and quiet as she says, “Mine was on Tuesday. Taako was there and he cast Silence for me until I stopped screaming and cried myself out. He conjured some pillows for me to throw and I—may have shredded one. And...burned one a little. It sucks, Barry. Frankly I’d be worried if you hadn’t lost it a little by now.” Lup pulls on the hem of her top; she’s beautiful even in her standard issue IPRE pajamas with her bare feet dangling off the edge of the countertop.

Barry is stunned into silence. Lup had screamed? She had broken down too? He draws in a shuddering breath and almost whispers, “really? You too? You’re not…you’re not gonna give me shit forever?”

Lup looks back up from her hem and straight at Barry now. “I’m not gonna give you shit, Bar. We’re dealing with a level of fucked-up-ness no one else has ever seen. We’re all taking it hard, but we’ve gotta keep going, we’ve gotta keep trying, because the only other option is to die and take every other reality with us. Cry if you need to. Be alone if you need to, or stay up late working if it helps, but Bar? You don’t have to hide and cry alone. If you need someone…I’ve got Taako, and I know for a fact Lucretia’s given Magnus some little tea parties and Merle and Cap’nport are drinking buddies. If you need someone, find me okay?” Lup leans forward and rubs Barry’s shoulder, then leans on it as she hops off the counter. “Forgot what I came out here for, guess I’ll head back. You coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Barry says, “I just need to put these notes away.” Lup walks out of the room, heading back toward the sleeping quarters. 

Barry stacks up his notes, but freezes as he goes to tap them against the counter to straighten the pile. Barry feels it in his chest as the realization hits him, but this doesn’t feel like dying at all. This feels like settling into a place made just for him, custom fit for all his uniquenesses, holding him safe and sound. This feels like home.

“Oh gods,” he breathes. “I love her!”

**Author's Note:**

> This story was basically spun off of the monologue about Lup and Barry falling in love at the Legato Conservatory. There are little glimpses of how each realized they loved the other, and I thought it might be fun to imagine how it went down. Then I did imagine it, and it was all horrifically emotional so I’m inflicting it on you lot too.
> 
> FAQs:
> 
> Q: Are you some kind of monster?  
> A: Yes
> 
> Q: How do you sleep at night?  
> A: I don’t 
> 
> Q: Do you feel good about yourself for this?  
> A: God forgive me
> 
> Yell in the comments if you like!


End file.
